If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
