Umm I'm too high to move.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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