Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
