cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
