You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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