update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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