I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
