That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
