I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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