i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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