you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
