To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
