Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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