it's not cheating when I paid for it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
