Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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