its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
