he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
