I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
