Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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