And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
