you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
