yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
