I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize