I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
