i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
