Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
