Jerry, you need to find god
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
