Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
