I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
