I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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