atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Even my vagina gasped.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
