the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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