It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
