Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
