dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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