She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize