he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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