I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize