So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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