hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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