i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
