then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
