im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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