The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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