brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
