Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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