I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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