your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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