i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
