Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
