Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
