There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
