ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
