C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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