Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
