I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
