I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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