yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
