operation have a gay friend backfired
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did I show you my penis last night?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize