I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
