I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
