I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
