So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
