So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
