I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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